The Big Picture

I once had a teacher in middle school tell my parents that I was really good at seeing 'the big picture". He said that I was more grounded and had a better sense of reality then some adults he knew. Taking this into account, I know that what my husband and I are doing now will help us build a better life later. I know that he has to leave now so that he can be there for everything later on. He has to leave now so that he doesnt have to work himself to death after he leaves the Navy. He leaves now so that he can get a good job and make enough money to give our kids the things we didnt have. I know all this, but its hard to remember these things when Im spending anniversaries alone. Its hard to remember these things when my best friend/love of my life/my everything is somewhere in the middle of the ocean and Im all alone in a delivery room giving birth to our son. Its hard to keep it all in perspective when I get used to spending Christmas without my husband. So, if I want to complain about how bad things suck, then I have a right to. I know that this isnt going to last forever but for now, I have every right to complain.

Dear Liam

To my baby boy:
Dear Liam,
A few days ago, your daddy and I found out that you are a boy but I always knew that you were a boy. I was so sure that I even called you "he" when you were too little for the doctor to tell. I cant tell you how much you have already changed me. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, my life hasnt been the same. I will never forget that day. Your daddy and I were so happy. The doctors all told me it would be dangerous for me to have you because of my diabetes but I wasnt going to give you up. I have always wanted you. I've never been able to decided what career I wanted for myself but I've always known that I wanted to be your mommy.  I love you more than you can possibly know and I am so excited to finally meet you. You are not going to be able to meet your daddy until you are a couple months old because he is going to be deployed but know that your daddy loves you and he is so sad that he isnt going to be there with us. Dont worry, my little prince, your mommy is tough enough to handle this and I can already tell that your a little fighter. There are so many things that you could have gone wrong because of my disease and you are a perfect little boy. You were strong enough to overcome all of that and together we will get through daddy being gone. Always remember that daddy has to leave now so that we can have a better life when you're older. I love you, my sweet boy and I am counting the weeks until I can finally see your face.
Love,
Mommy

How We Met

Hmmm...lets see. The first time I saw my husband was during a track practice, Freshman year of high school. He was telling a story about his girlfriend at the time and the way he told the story was so funny. That’s the first thing I remember about him. He could make me laugh. But I thought I didn’t have a chance because he had a girlfriend so I let it go even though I thought he was really cute. A couple months later I got my first job at Burger King. I was so excited to have my first job and I worked so hard. Then about a week after I started I heard we hired someone one new. So the next day I came in for work and saw that cute guy from track practice behind the counter making burgers. I couldn’t believe my luck. So for the next few weeks I talked to him a little and tried to act cool. Which was probably a big epic fail because I wasn’t nearly as cool as I thought I was but he seemed to like it. :) Then we started talking more and he was just so funny and that was one of the main things I liked about him. I started talking to another girl that worked there with us and she told me to go for it. Little did I know that she had been telling him the same things. (Apparently he felt a little weird dating a girl a year younger than him.) So a couple nights later, there was something going on at the bar across the street from where we worked and there were a lot of bikers there so I saw it as a perfect opportunity to play the damsel in distress part and convince him to give me a ride home. (He still doesn’t believe that I planned it out like this. He thinks I was really scared of those bikers. LOL) So, he took his break when I got off work and he gave me a ride home. About half way there, he asked what I was doing the next night. I was SO excited cuz I knew what he was about to ask but I played it cool and said I had to work. I'll never forget what he said. "Well do you think that maybe, after your done working, you would want to go see a movie with me or something. Maybe?" lol He was so nervous and cute. I said I would love to and told him that the new Pirates movie was playing at the drive-in. So we made plans to go. After he dropped me off I was so excited that I ran down the street to my best friends house. The next day, some people didn’t show up for work and the boss called Matt in. And he promised him extra time off to take me to fair if he came into work and I look back now and think "Did my boss seriously get me a second date with a guy I hadn’t even been out with once yet?" lol But he came into work and then when we were both done with work we headed over to the drive-in. (Now this next part was totally my fault but he went with it.) We got to the drive in and Garfield 2 was playing not Pirates. (I read the wrong sign) So we sat in his jeep and made fun of that ridiculous movie the entire time and I think that was more fun that just watching a movie. So, the next day at work we didn’t really say much to each other for the first part of the day and all I could think was that I had totally screwed that one up. So finally I got up the nerve to talk to him and I cornered him by the sink so he couldn’t run away and I asked him if maybe he wanted to go out again. He then told me that he was grounded and he had to beg his dad to let him go out with me the night before. (Who asks someone out when they are grounded?!?) So, I left for diabetic camp for a few days and when I got back he told me that he missed me. Which I thought was weird cuz we had only been on one date and he had declined my offer for a second date. I didn’t really know what to say so I just walked away. he found me later and asked if we were like a couple now. I didn’t really know the answer to that question so I just shrugged my shoulders and asked him if he wanted to be and he said yes. We've been together ever since. On July 15th, it will be five years. It amazes me that it has been so long and I cant believe how quickly I fell in love with him. I always hate when I hear people say that teenagers cant really fall in love because I know they're wrong. I love him more today then I did then. After we had been together for a month, someone said he should get me a present and he said that they only reason you should celebrate a one month anniversary is if you only plan on being together for a month and a half. That’s when I knew it was serious. He told me one time that after we had been together for a week he was talking about me to some of the people that we worked with and they said, "Holy shit, you're totally in love with her." and even though he never admitted it to them, he told me that it was at that moment that he realized he loved me. <3

About Me

Okay, so to start off Im going to give you all 15 fun facts about myself.
Number 1- Im almost 20 years old and my birthday is June 6th, 1991. (Save the 666 jokes and the devil references. I've heard them all.)
Number 2- Im married to THE most amazing man in the world.
Number 3- My husband is married to the Navy so, for the time being, I am the "mistress".
Number 4- I am 15 weeks pregnant with our first baby. Due November 19th, 2011.
Number 5- I may be a little bit OCD...ok maybe a lot OCD...sometimes.
Number 6- I hate odd numbers(OCD remember) and I'll even turn the volume on my TV and Radio up by two just to avoid them.
Number 7- I have two Pit bull mixes that I love with all my heart. They are the spawn of Satan and they drive me crazy but I love them.
Number 8- I spend WAY too much time on facebook.
Number 9- I HATE HATE HATE drama.
Number 10- Its very hard for me to trust people and once my trust is broken, its nearly impossible to get back.
Number 11- Dont mess with the people I love. I dont like confrontation but if you mess with my people, you're going to be hearing from me.
Number 12- I am a very generous person but most people dont get to know me well enough to see it.
Number 13- Im terrified of driving in large cities.
Number 14- I love animals and would run my own zoo if I could.
Number 15- I love photography so you may see some of my stuff on here :)